Straight Laced far removed from Dead Last

Whether you know them as Dead Last or Straight Laced, for years Dan’s team has dwelt in the dark and damp corners of the Cosmopolitan Outlaw League basement. A name change from the self fulfilling prophecy of Dead Last to just an awful name of Straight Laced would bring little change. 2017 brings a new Straight Laced, one with swagger and confidence… one with wins. Seven wins, to be exact. After 11 weeks, they have eclipsed their season high of 6 wins (2013, 2015) and have seemingly clinched a playoff berth for the first time in the franchise’s history.

The Horsemen were on the other side of history this week.

For the second time this season, the defending champions had a 32 point Thursday Night Football performance. Confidence was high, worry was low… and for the second time this season, that huge Thursday gap would fall apart.

But more history was made. With a NEGATIVE 2 point performance, Dak Prescott would have the worst QB performance for the Horsemen since week 11 of 2012 when Matt Ryan would have 2. That 2 was positive. This -2 point performance would also be the worst of any quarterback in Electric Horsemen history… maybe in league history, but stats are not available. His NEGATIVE 2 would also pass up Tavon Austin as the worst offensive performance in Horsemen history.

Tavon was then banned from the Horsemen… management remains in wait and see mode regarding Dak’s status.

The last 32 point TNF week also led to the worst all-time defensive performance. This week the Saints fell short with the third worst defensive performance in team history.

Zuerlein, the number one kicker in the league, would also join a seven way tie for worst kicker performance. Four of the seven are, in fact, Greg Zuerlein.

Additionally, Zach Ertz… the number 3 tight end in the league… would join a 13 way tie for worst TE performance in a week.

Definitely a week for the record book, as the Horsemen would also score the least points in team history with 62 and suffer the 2nd worst blowout at 64.

Despite the grim results of week 11, the Horsemen still lead the competition by 2 games for the number one seed – which would be their first #1 in team history. They have also clinched the Inner Loop crown – which is also, surprisingly, the first in team history.

They come into week 12 a 29.5 point favorite, which makes this a week probably not worth talking about. The Horsemen look to get warmed up for the playoffs in this snoozer against the eliminated Closet Hillbilly.

After a 3-1 week 11, we’re 22-22 on picks.

• The Nosebleeds will continue their fall from grace with an embarrassment by the hands of the Drunken Aces.
• The Extreme Baby Throwers will look competitive against the worst team ever, Legs With Holes, sneaking out a victory.
• 3rd and Unpredictable completes the comeback and clinches a playoff spot in a win over Bumpy’s Berries.
• Straight Laced takes over first place in the Outer Loop in a riveting victory over Strictly Southern.