Horsemen seek to avenge week 11 catastrophe and return to championship

The once proud Nosebleeds continue to fall to new lows. For the seventh time in the last 8 games, the Horsemen have emerged victorious over their rivals – claiming the JW Memorial Trophy in the Battle of TC Jester for a 5th consecutive year.

This second installment of 2017 proved to be another snoozer.

Week 13 was a true reflection of the sorrowful condition of the franchise. We saw a negative defensive performance from the Lions – despite the Nosebleeds having their high draft capital Broncos D/ST on the bench with 17 more points… against the Dolphins. Additionally, they were still content with starting the 18th best QB in the league, Matt Ryan, despite plenty of reasonable alternatives – like Jameis Winston, who outscored him by 15.

One of the few bright spots on the team was Alex Collins’ 21 point performance – but management appeared intent on starting Adrian Peterson in his place before being gifted an out designation prior to game time. Another player they just can’t seem to give up on.

This is the first year that the loser of a season sweep will not be responsible for the entire entry fee of the victor, this year the total payout will be equal to a percentage based on the combined margin of victory from the two games. So, in the 2nd season sweep in the history of the series, the Horsemen maintain possession of the trophy and receive 61% of their 2018 entry fee for the 61 points they crushed the Nosebleeds by.

The 64 points scored by the ‘bleeds was the lowest of any team in the history of the series.

Andrew Luck remains the leading scorer in rivalry history despite having missed both matchups this season. He trails Julio Jones for most starts by 4.

The loss also ties the Nosebleeds with the worst regular season in team history at 5-8, a season that follows their best season (10-3) in team history – aseason that was cut short in round 1 by the Horsemen. This would also be their lowest scoring effort (86.3)

In the long offseason ahead of them, it looks like some serious soul searching is in order for the Nosebleeds… after they battle it out for the Asshammer.

Another thing of note –  Legs With Holes, despite scoring over 90 for the 2nd time this year, locked up the worst season in league history with only 69.3 PPG. They would also tie the worst record of all time at 3-10… this a year after making it to the championship game and subsequently trading away all their somewhat valuable roster components.

Week 11 against Straight Laced saw the lowest scoring output and the largest blow out in the history of the Electric Horsemen. Despite having already clinched a playoff spot, this was a dark spot on an otherwise impressive season. Just one win away from beating 3rd and Unpredictable’s 2013 league best record, they would have to settle on a tie.

They would, however, set the record for largest average margin of victory at 27.0 – besting 3rd and Unpredictable’s 25.5. They would also set the record for least points against at 81.8 – trailed closely by this year’s Bumpy’s Berries and Legs With Holes (yes, the Legs With Holes that still only managed 3 wins).

Straight Laced reaches the playoffs for the first time in franchise history… with their first winning season in franchise history. They would also score over 90 (95.5) for the first time since 2014 (91.7) and set a high mark for average margin at 6.2. But this week they do not face another below average franchise in this, the first round of the playoffs. With scoring down in 2017, the Horsemen have managed the 3rd most points in league history (108.8) – scoring under 90 only twice and setting the record for most points in a game (191).

If they met each week this season, the Horsemen would be 9-4. But week 14 is all that matters now, and the Horsemen are set on vengeance.

The waiver wire was a little different than it was in 2016 when Closet Hillbilly and the Nosebleeds were hellbent on interfering with the repeat championship of the Horsemen. Despite having the 6th waiver claim, Alex Smith in a nice matchup against the Raiders (dropped by Legs With Holes just in time for his 45 point week 13) fell past the Nosebleeds… a team still limping through 2017 with Matt Ryan and a big showdown with LWH in the Asshammer playoffs.

With this addition, there would be no players outside the top 10 in their position in the starting lineup. The possibility of an inactive Zach Ertz would put this top 10 lineup in jeopardy… but then Cameron Brate (TE7) and Hunter Henry (TE9) were carelessly dropped by some inept league members.

Straight Laced enters the playoffs for the first time with a series of questionable designations. Stafford got his hand beat up, Ingram has a bad toe, Robby Anderson has a bad hamstring, and Chris Hogan has a bad shoulder. A poor set up for a team with little playoff experience facing one of the strongest teams in league history.

The Horsemen are a 15 point favorite and, entering the week, have a 68.6% chance of victory.

Yet another 2-2 week brings the regular season record to 26-26. But the playoffs are where we shine.

• 3rd and Unpredictable, exhausted by their run at the playoffs that fell slightly short, will lose a meaningless game against the Extreme Baby Throwers.
• Despite having the seemingly better roster, the Nosebleeds will be embarrassed by Legs With Holes – earning themselves a trip to the Asshammer Finals.
• In a meeting of two truly awful teams, Closet Hillbilly will lose in dramatic fashion to the Drunken Aces – the culmination of their bad trade karma. This will set up a battle royale of ex-co-workers for the coveted Asshammer trophy.
• Strictly Southern, helpless without Ezekiel Elliott, will put up a dud against Bumpy’s Berries – sending them back to the championship game where they’ll hope for a different result than 2015.