Crisis averted, Hillbillies sent to last place

 

The Horsemen narrowly avoided their first 0-2 start, sending Closet Hillbilly to their second 0-2 start – but their first since 2013. In 2013 they would recover from their slow beginnings and finish the regular season 7-6, following that up with their one and only championship appearance… where they would lose by 25 to 3rd and Unpredictable.

Some true primetime performances would push the horses past the Hillbillies. The true heartbreaker was a bubble screen turned touchdown to Julio Jones that went 50+ yards. Despite a lead going into Monday night, Hillbilly knew it was over. A questionably awful Baker Mayfield and a quarterbackless Le’Veon Bell would go head to head in one of the worst games of the year. Mayfield would be par for Mayfield – awful. But Le’Veon would show why he is one of the greatest Horsemen of all time.

With 15.9 points in his second game back with the Horsemen after a year long hiatus, he would overtake Matt Forte to become the 5th highest scoring Horseman of all time and 2nd highest scoring running back. He is now only 34.9 points behind one of the inaugural Horsemen – Matt Ryan. Matt would start 21 games in the first two seasons of the Cosmopolitan Outlaw League, returning briefly in 2015 to start another 8.

Closet Hillbilly has some soul searching to do. Only six teams have ever gone 0-3 in league history. None of them have made the playoffs.

And so it brings us to the what used to be one of the greatest rivalries in the Cosmopolitan Outlaw League. No team won back to back matchups between these storied franchises in their first 7 meetings, but something changed in week 2 of 2015. That 46 point victory by the Horsemen would start a domino effect of soul crushing, as the Nosebleeds would win just one game between then and 2018.

Could it be just bad luck that the Nosebleeds would win only one of the last ten games? Just a fluke that the Horsemen have won by 31.65 in those 9 victories? Is there something else to it? Poor preparation marred the Nosebleeds 2019 draft and, historically, they have drafted less than optimally and started less than optimal players. Sometimes it seems like it’s on purpose. But to what end? They already gave up their 2020 first, so they obviously aren’t building for 2020. They would pass up on the number 1 running back through 2 weeks, a running back starting in place of his hold out Melvin Gordon, for Evan Engram and Christian Kirk. If not for Antonio Brown lifting Tom Brady back into the QB1 conversation, the Nosebleeds would be deeper in purgatory than they already are – especially after the loss of Andrew Luck to a surprise retirement.

The Horsemen return in week 3 with all the same starters from the last two weeks (aside from defense) with their sights set on a victory in 10 of the last 11 matchups. It appears likely they will retain possession of the rivalry trophy once more this season, one that has remained with them since 2013. The point spread is 21 – the most since week 13 of 2018 when these two teams last met. ESPN suggests a 58% chance of victory, while FantasyPros lists it as 83.8%.

Another 2-3 week to bring the total to 4-6. Who could have imagined Legs With Holes would win one of their first two games? And did we not think Heavy Pistols were going to average 160 points per game the rest of the year? It’s time for some more mediocre calls. Bumpy’s Berries were the biggest gainers this week, up 24% with a huge Dumpy win over the Laces. Pork Shanks drop 19% after scoring 53.5 points against the Dangerous Angels. I do not understand how they are not projected in last place at this point.

  • Legs With Holes @ Straight Laced – Last week was a fluke. Legs With Holes will fail to put together a two game winning streak unless Mahomes starts scoring 50+ regularly because the rest of the team is trash.
  • 3rd and Unpredictable @ Bumpy’s Berries – Unfortunately I have to pick 3rd and Unpredictable every week as an emotional hedge. That and the Berries score the 11th most points in the league,.
  • Pork Shanks @ Heavy Pistols – These two teams might not break 100 combined.
  • Drunken Aces @ Strictly Southern – Drunken Aces are in a special group… that group consists of Legs With Holes and Bumpy’s Berries – the trash of the Dumpies.
  • Dangerous Angels @ Closet Hillbilly – One dream dies, and another dream begins. Dangerous Angels, on the rise, take down the Hillbilly – tossing him to 0-3.

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