Extreme-ly easy week 4 leads to Berry easy week 5

While there was a bit of trepidation after a stellar performance on Thursday night by Brandin Cooks, the equally stellar performance by Todd Gurley (as usual) would calm the nerves of the Horsemen brass. From there on out, it was pretty easy sailing. Drew Brees – the great hope of the franchise – would putter out and hand the ball to Kamara over and over and over… for touchdown after touchdown after touchdown… not taking any for himself. Old Man Turtle would make his first executive decision of the year and select the Cardinals D/ST over the Patriots which would be the incorrect decision, as usual. The point differential between the two defenses would have only served to pad an already firm lead thanks to the Baby Throwers taking after the Nosebleeds and going against every expert to select Ben Watson over George Kittle. Kittle has now scored double digit points in 3 of 4 games and is the #3 tight end.

The Horsemen would increase their point total for the third consecutive week in their win over the Baby Throwers – despite losing star running back Leonard Fournette in the first half to yet another hamstring strain. They would also earn their 3rd straight victory over XBT, the average deficit of this current streak 42.7 points, and increase their overall record in the series to 9-4-1 (a 69% win percentage). XBT remains tied with Straight Laced for least franchise regular season victories by a non expansion team (34) but at 2-2 they’re still firmly in the playoff hunt with 50% of teams emerging in the expansion era.

While the Horsemen continue to win and are tied atop the Dainty Division and the Dainty North (all 3 Dainty North teams are 3-1), they still have not reached full strength. The re-injury of Fournette should keep him out several more weeks and Le’Veon will not be returning until week 8 – and his workload once he does return remains a complete mystery. D’Onta Foreman also watches from the IR as Lamar Miller struggles and is awaiting his time once he returns from the PUP. Now is the time for 2018 rookies Kerryon Johnson and Phillip Lindsay to step up and into the RB2 role for the Horsemen.

Ignoring statistics against expansion teams, there is only one team that has never been beaten by another one in the COL.

The Electric Horsemen have NEVER lost to Bumpy’s Berries. 

It’s pretty amazing, really. In their eight meetings, four of them season tone setters in the opening week, the Horsemen have never lost. There have been a few close calls… a 2 point win in 2017, a 7 pointer in 2013 and a 3 pointer in 2012… but no other games were settled by a margin of less than 12 points. They aren’t exactly the trash of the league or anything, having reached the playoffs twice and the championship game in 2015 (where they would lose to the Horsemen by 32), but somehow fate has not shined on them in this series.

Maybe it’s lack of preparation. The Berries have made it tradition to disguise their roster from the Horsemen in the week leading up to the game. I can imagine moving players in and out of the roster or even worse, leaving them cold until game time, would probably lend to poor performance. This year is no different, as the roster sits nearly empty with multiple players tending to injuries on the bench. A player coming off an injury getting thrust into the lineup at the last second? This sounds like disaster. Injuries are no stranger to the Berries… could this poor preparation be a factor leading to such injury proneness?

Devonta Freeman, a longtime Berry, is no stranger to injury and is currently questionable to play this week. He played through a sprained MCL and PCL in the postseason, an injury that resurfaced and kept him out the last 3 games. In 2017 he also suffered 2 concussions, in 2016 a hip pointer, and in 2015 he lost time with a concussion and a hamstring pull. Larry Fitzgerald, another longtime Berry, has been struggling with hamstring and back issues for several games but has opted to play through it… he is questionable this week. He’s also got a long history of injuries while with the Berries, including several MCL sprains of varying severity, ankle sprains, concussions and hamstring strains.

I could go on, but the poor preparation and disrepair of the Berries is fairly apparently by the follow roster:

The Horsemen have had their fair share of injuries, but the character and grit of the franchise along with the next man up mentality pushes them to keep winning.

Kerryon gets his first start and the Horsemen get their historic 9th straight win over Bumpy’s Berries to go 4-1.

The Horsemen are currently a (theoretical based on the most projected points for players that could fit in available slots) 16.4 point favorite with a 68.8% chance at victory.

Picks are 13-7 after a 3-2 week 4 that saw the 0-3 Legs With Holes overcome the 3-0 Drunken Aces. We all knew the Aces were bad… but this bad?

This week we have…

• Strictly Southern @ Closet Hillbilly – Southern looks less and less menacing with each week, and week 5 sees them with the corpse of Antonio Gates getting the start at tight end and TY Hilton going inactive after a hamstring issue last week. Hillbilly surprised with a huge week (that ended in disappointment), but should be able to squeak past what was the favorite to win it all for a couple weeks. They look to recover from 10% decrease in playoff probability, which puts them in the final seed.
• Heavy Pistols @ Legs With Holes – It was a sad day when the Holes pulled off the upset of the Drunken Aces. We all wanted the Aces to stroll into the playoff so they’d be an easy victory, alas, they were exposed. Don’t get me wrong, the Pistols are bad… and they may technically have less talent than the Holes. Mismanagement and point chasing will be the doom of Legs With Holes, who will usher in the dawn of the Heavy Pistols with their first franchise win. There’s little chance either of these teams with make the playoffs, so this is more or less jockeying for seeding in the Asshammer tournament.
• 3rd and Unpredictable @ Dangerous Angels – They won’t score as many points as they did last week, but they won’t need to. Despite a lot of Qs on the roster, Unpredictable will have no problem with the Dangerous Angels barring some sort of massive miracle.
• Straight Laced @ Drunken Aces – The Laces have looked a lot more like Dead Last than Straight Laced lately despite bringing in the #1 wide receiver in the offseason. Mark Ingram returns to the fold this week to stir things up and give them more of a presence at the running back position, which should be sufficient to take down the somehow 3-1 Drunken Aces. A loss here would spell certain doom for the Laces, as only 1 of the 11 teams to start out 1-4 have ever made the playoffs.
• Extreme Baby Throwers @ Nosebleeds – The Baby Throwers were shattered in loss last week, but they meet up with a vulnerable Nosebleeds team missing two of their standard starters due to bye week. This means Ryan Grant will be starting at wide receiver – which is kind of embarrassing. If Gronk doesn’t suit up, they’ll be even more susceptible to the Throwers… Dwayne Allen isn’t quite Rob Gronkowski. The Extreme Baby Throwers will take this one and cause some confusion in the back half of the Dainty standings.