Pair of virtual bye weeks lead to Dainty North finale showdowns

Ted is garbage.

Legs With Holes are tanking and it’s not clear why. I don’t have record of the people that have had the top pick in all the drafts but I’m pretty sure none of them ever won a championship… unless Matt got a top pick once, but I don’t think he did.

I expect him to lose out and win the Asshammer trophy… but I’d rather he didn’t. It will be wasted on him.

What a sad, sad team.

This is so boring.

Despite being firmly in the playoff hunt with two middling teams yet to clinch, the Drunken Aces have already begun moving pieces of their starting line up. Luckily for them, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel – and that light is the glorious Asshammer Trophy. The Horsemen are 10-4 against these nobodies… nobodies that started the season 3-0 and now sit 4-6 ready to accept their fate.

It’s not all bad, though.

Since their championship season in 2014 when they went 8-5 the Aces got progressively worse in 2015, 2016 and 2017. From 8-5 to 7-6 to 5-8 to 4-9… it has been confirmed that they can do no worse than they did last year, which is a huge accomplishment. There have been three teams in history to go 3-10 and they are not at risk of becoming #4. If they continue to lose, though, they can expect to be contributors to the largest bar tab in league history with the addition of the Heavy Pistols and Dangerous Angels.

The Horsemen are a 43.4 point favorite – the largest spread in recorded history – with a 91.5% chance of victory on ESPN and 92.4% chance of victory on FantasyPros.

The Horsemen have already begun preparing for matches against 3rd and Unpredictable and the Nosebleeds – two games that could potentially seal the elimination of their Dainty North opponents and clinch a bye week for the Horsemen.

It was a sad 2-3 week with too much hope for the crappy teams to come through. They were failures, just as they will likely continue to be failures. That means 32-18. This week I expect upsets again despite them being failures, but I expect them to continue being failures in life.

• Strictly Southern @ Dangerous Angels. Part of me thinks that Phillip Lindsay on the roster will bring a new sense of team pride, but the rest of me knows that Strictly Southern is going to trounce them on their way to a repeat appearance in the championship.
• 3rd and Unpredictable @ Bumpy’s Berries. The Berries have so much more heart than Unpredictable that it’s not even funny. Heart = wins at this time of year.
• Closet Hillbilly @ Straight Laced. Hillbilly is still riding high from wins over the Horsemen and the Berries, but the Laces aren’t nearly as bad as they seem to be.
• Extreme Baby Throwers @ Legs With Holes. It seems apparently LWH is throwing this season in hopes to win at a later date… but I don’t think they understand how this works. No team that’s tanked has ever gotten better by it from my limited knowledge of the Cosmopolitan Outlaw League.
• Nosebleeds @ Heavy Pistols. This is a matchup of two teams that have absolutely no heart. In this monotone battle, one team still hasn’t figured out how to put his injured players on IR (but has at least figured out that he shouldn’t start injured players this week) and the other team hasn’t figured out that a 3rd string quarterback is less valuable than a backup tight end when your starter is Gronk. Neither of them is trying, so this just comes down to the better looking of the two – which is obviously Cody and the Pistols.

Odds would suggest the field is set, but the three 9% teams (and maybe the 5% team) are right back in the hunt with a victory this week.