Horsemen return to action after 6 consecutive bye weeks

It seems like years ago that the Horsemen last saw competition. In fact, it was week 8. Since their unfortunate midseason loss to Closet Hillbilly, the defending champions went on to embarrass opponent after opponent – dominating three Dumpy foes before completing regular season sweeps of their Dainty North rivals, the Nosebleeds and 3rd and Unpredictable.

It is now time to finish what they started.

The 5 and 6 seeds, 3rd and Unpredictable and the Nosebleeds, would have a strong chance of facing their dominant division foe in the event they could outlast their Dainty South counterparts. The Horsemen had solidified their #1 seed weeks ago, and the worst advancing team would have the first crack at unseating them from the throne of the Cosmopolitan Outlaw League.

The Nosebleeds, forever content with being mediocre, wouldn’t put up a fight against the Closet Hillbilly. In-season decisions once more came back to haunt them, as they would again start the worst of their rostered quarterbacks. Worse yet, they would trade away their 3rd quarterback to said opponent and face them in the first round of the playoffs. Matt Ryan’s return to face his old team was nasty. He would outscore Ben Roethlisberger by only 3.2 (nevermind the fact that Andrew Luck outscored Ben by 4.3 from the bench)… but this isn’t the point differential that would matter. The quarterback Closet Hillbilly started most of the season before this acquisition would score negative points – more than enough to overcome the 16.8 point deficit and send the ‘bleeds to the second round.

Another year gone by and another year that the Nosebleeds can’t stay out of their own way. They would have advanced to the second round to face the Horsemen had they won, a team by whom they’ve been swept for 2 straight years by an average margin of more than 30 points.

The other quarterfinal matchup featured a potential new member of the Dainty North… and also the potential first dissenter of the COL… this might seem confusing, but this is because the Extreme Baby Throwers relocated to the north side and subsequently threatened to quit the league. They would follow up these generally idle threats with valuation conversations with prior expansion candidates, making this time a little more real than the last.

But just as they lacked the follow through to move on from the COL, they lacked the follow through to beat a potential new division opponent in the first round. 3rd and Unpredictable came back in miraculous fashion to upset the 2 seed on what looked like an illegal forward pass. Illegal it was not and a heartbroken Extreme Baby Thrower team squandered their best season since 2014 – advancing to the 5th place game to take on another ho-hum team in the Nosebleeds.

The Horsemen are good. The team has improved or maintained the record from their previous for each year since the franchise began and finish 2018 with their second straight 11-2 season. Only one other team in history has reached 11 wins (2013 3rd and Unpredictable). They have now reached the semifinals in every year since 2014 and, coming into this matchup, they have never lost in a semifinal game prior. To say that they are the first true dynasty in league history would be an understatement. The core of Julio, Antonio, Ertz and Gurley has remained intact – and new faces have emerged to lead them through the disaster that has been Leonard Fournette and Le’Veon Bell. The shouldabeen undefeated team went 11-2 but still seem to have a chip on their shoulder, as the consensus seems to think the #2 seed Strictly Southern are the true favorite to bring home the Waylon Hepburn trophy in 2018.

Their opponent, 3rd and Unpredictable, advances somewhat questionably. They nearly missed out on the playoffs completely – and then nearly faced the ultimate embarrassment of losing to a possible defector in the first round. This year was expected to be a coming out party after years of mediocrity – not surpassing 7 wins since 2014 when they went to the playoffs as the 1 seed and were dismantled by the #4, Drunken Aces. They spent the 2018 offseason similarly to how they spent the 2014 offseason – dismantling a probable super team. They would send Christian McCaffrey (RB3) and Davante Adams (WR2) to a rising Strictly Southern team, while also spreading their riches to Closet Hillbilly – gifting them Adam Thielen (WR3).

What would they get in return? DeAndre Hopkins (WR8) and… and… A.J. Green? This can’t be right. They ended up keeping Deshaun Watson? What? This mismanagement is criminal… yet also comedic relief.

The Horsemen are only 8.9 point favorites (the closest line since their week 8 loss to Closet Hillbilly) with a 66.4% chance of victory on ESPN and a 66.9% chance of victory on FantasyPros.
(After Thursday night, ESPN had the Horsemen with a 71.1% chance of victory)

The other side of the bracket somehow seems even less competitive. Closet Hillbilly has been fielding a team of handcuffs since week 1 and now has to make the ultimate decision of which handcuff to start when it really matters. If the Horsemen can advance to the championship, they will be seeking to avenge one of their two losses from the regular season… and if they meet Strictly Southern, both teams will be seeking to avenge a past heartbreak – as the Horsemen crushed Southern in last year’s championship game by 35 points, the biggest slaughter in championship game history.

Southern is a 14.5 point favorite with a 73.7% chance of victory according to FantasyPros. Strictly Southern led the league in scoring the final 4 weeks of the season – and would have also led the league in scoring in the first round. They appear basically unstoppable. Especially to the likes of a Closet Hillbilly team led by Jared Goff and Aldrick Rosas.