Horsemen look to emerge from Dainty gridlock after easy win over Pistols

The Heavy Pistols came into week 3 severely over-matched, and is this not something that was lost on them. Despite cheering wildly for Saquon Barkley from the stands of NRG stadium beside the owner of the Electric Horsemen, they knew their fate. And their fate was realized as the Horsemen trampled over them unhindered from Thursday to Monday.

For the Pistols, it’s time to look toward the future – if only having foresight was not an issue for the ownership. They were the last team to fill out their roster, sitting dormant through preseason injuries, inactives, and released players. This after an embarrassing expansion draft which implied they did not understand player values. Pile on the fact that they have spent $0 of their FAAB budget through 3 weeks despite several emerging players and you have a franchise that’s still trying try to get their feet under them.

Perhaps the future is bright. They were last in scoring in only one of their first 3 weeks – and even managed 7th best in week 1 with a total that would have bested even the Electric Horsemen that week. The road to not being the worst team ever gets a little bit easier beginning in week 4 as they meet Bumpy’s Berries, the team with the least points this year – and then they meet their competition for first team to go 0-13… the infamous Legs With Holes.

The Pistols, one of two expansion teams, have scored more points on the year than both of these struggling franchises.

 

The 2017 season battles of the Baby Throwers and the Horsemen didn’t treat the Baby Throwers well. As with all odd numbered seasons, the Horsemen would sweep the series. They’ve now won 6 of the last 7 matchups. In the 13 game history of the series between these two teams, the Horsemen have averaged a league best 22.85 point margin of victory while securing an 8-4-1 record. While we often call Legs With Holes the worst team in the league, the Baby Throwers are actually tied with Straight Laced for least regular season wins in league history at 34 (expansion teams excluded) and before a huge week 1 they also averaged the least points per game of all teams in league history.

Aside from the fluke 2012 championship they’ve just been awful.

When asked what he thought about this week’s matchup, Logan responded with: “I want to win, duh, but I also realize it’s a game about a game, so I’m not gonna compare it to real-life friends, or acquaintances at worst.” As with 95% of the time, we’re not sure exactly what he was talking about.

The Horsemen, once again, have question marks in the lineup. Cam Newton (QB6) takes the week off for bye and Leonard Fournette still isn’t practicing in full – making the Thomas/Miller for Fournette trade look worse by the day. Each week has seen a complete fail at filling in the roster…
1) Leonard Fournette leaves in the first half with a hamstring strain, Emmanuel Sanders and Isaiah Crowell leave 22+ points on the bench.
2) Isaiah Crowell is awful and newly acquired rookie Phillip Lindsay leaves 11.6 on the bench.
3) Phillip Lindsay throws a punch in the first half, gets ejected with 2 points. Isaiah Crowell emerged with 2 touchdowns and wiped his butt with the football for the Cleveland fans while Kerryon Johnson had the first 100 yard game of a Lion in years.

What will 4 bring? It shouldn’t matter. Aside from quarterback, every position on the Extreme Baby Throwers is a hole. Even the owner with the most added kickers in a single week in league history can’t even pick a good kicker.

I also boldly predict that Carlos Hyde will not finish the year as a top 10 RB and Tyreek Hill will not finish as a top 5 WR.

Despite still being incomplete, the Horsemen come into the week 22.4 point favorites with a 75.9% chance of victory.

Last week’s picks went an amazing 4-1 for a 10-5 year total through 3 weeks.

In this week’s action…

Nosebleeds @ Dangerous Angels – The Nosebleeds are fine until bye weeks start and they realize they have no one on their bench worth playing. The Angels were this week’s biggest drop in playoff percentage, down 16% to 8%… and unfortunately they’ll be dropping even more next week.

Bumpy’s Berries @ Heavy Pistols – A Pistols win would be the feel good game of the season, but they’re probably not winning until week 5 when they play Legs With Holes. I mean, Bumpy’s Berries are terrible… but still… they might be getting Doug Baldwin back this week…?

3rd and Unpredictable @ Closet Hillbilly – There’s just not much good about Closet Hillbilly other than their record… but those 2 wins are over Ted and Cody.

Strictly Southern @ Straight Laced – The 2017 runner up started strong with a big upset of the champions before going 2-0 with a win over the awful Legs… then they ran into a fiery 3rd and Unpredictable. The points leader now meets Straight Laced who is battling for survival at 1-2. The Laces, who are currently the favorite, pull off the win behind their powerful WR corps and jumble up the Dumpy division even more, sending the Aces 2 games up.

Legs With Holes @ Drunken Aces – The surprising final unbeaten faces the unsurprising winless Legs With Holes. The Holes are in shambles. They’re still waiting on Lamar Jackson to emerge and he’s not even a starter. The bench is full of question marks and the flex spot is reserved for chasing points from a prior week outlier – every week. They’ve made some big moves this week to shore up that bench, but they still need to drop two of their acquisitions if they’re going to roster a kicker or a tight end that’s playing this week. The Drunken Aces are arguably not that good, but they’re good enough to send Ted to 0-4.