Berries confirmed rotten, Angels about to be confirmed not dangerous
For the 9th straight time in the history of the series, Bumpy’s Berries have lost to the Electric Horsemen. Their 44.6 point defeat was the worst in their 0-9 history, a history marred with sadness.
At 1:50 PM thinks weren’t looking fantastic for the defending champions. Julio Jones hadn’t caught a single ball through halftime and Antonio was touchdownless. When the Berries management announced that “[The Horsemen]’re going to win” the Horsemen responded with “How is that even possible?”
But all things are possible for him who believes in Antonio.
Tony Toe Tap’s 2 touchdowns would get him to his season best performance and Todd Gurley would, once again, rain down touchdowns.
And the Horsemen would defeat the Berries… again… and move on to lead the Dainty Division (the competitive division) at 4-1.
Year | Week | Horsemen | Berries |
2012 | 1 | 120 | 99 |
2012 | 14 | 111 | 108 |
2013 | 1 | 122 | 115 |
2014 | 1 | 98 | 76 |
2015 | 3 | 149 | 132 |
2015 | 15 | 122 | 90 |
2016 | 1 | 98 | 86 |
2017 | 10 | 90 | 88 |
2018 | 5 | 144.7 | 100.1 |
The Berries now fall to 2-3 with a big matchup against fellow Dumpy North, Legs With Holes, to see who is the worst non-expansion team in the league.
There’s no history between the Dangerous Angels and the Electric Horsemen to speak of, but the Angels have come into the league ready to shed the ‘expansion team’ title and add the title ‘contender’. They started out the franchise with a huge upset over a 2017 playoff team (the first victory by an expansion team in league history), Straight Laced (the first team to lose to an expansion team in league history), but couldn’t carry the momentum through to a 3 game losing streak to members of the old Inner Loop conference.
The numbers weren’t bad, though. They were 2nd among Dumpies in scoring, averaging 107.5 PPG, and had scored over 100 in all but one contest. And then they would upset the preseason #2 team and former champion, 3rd and Unpredictable… could this be a turning point in the life of this young franchise? Maybe. But all roads must go through the Horsemen… and this is a dead end.
The defending champions have returned to form since their embarrassing week 1 loss at the hands of Strictly Southern. They now boast the 2nd most points in the league (behind Dangerous Angels most recent conquest) and have beaten opponents by a league high 23.8 PPG.
Crowell and Lindsay continue to fight it out in practice for first team reps, seeking a starting spot with the absence of Kerryon Johnson, Le’Veon Bell and Leonard Fournette. Offensive coordinator, Old Man Turtle, has been mulling it over but no final decision has been made as of the writing of this article.
The Horsemen have a 75.8% chance of victory via ESPN and 86.7% on Fantasypros and are favored by 22.1 points.
It was a miraculous 4-1 week with a few upsets bringing the total to 17-8 – far better than any year in the past. Week 6 is a new week, though.
- Drunken Aces @ Strictly Southern. They aren’t the same team we thought they were a few weeks ago when Mahomes was putting up 50, but they still aren’t the Drunken Aces. The Aces are riding a 2 game losing streak after starting the season 3-0 against 2 expansion teams and the lowest scoring team in the league (Bumpy’s Berries). The good fortune couldn’t last and the Aces probably won’t win again until they face an expansion team again in week 8.
- Extreme Baby Throwers @ 3rd and Unpredictable. On paper 3rd and Unpredictable is vastly superior to the Extreme Baby Throwers. And really, as hard as I want to find a way for the Baby Throwers to win this game… still trying… even with Ronald Jones starting, Unpredictable will still win. NO THEY WON’T. THERE WILL BE A MIRACLE. XBT WINS AGAINST ALL REASON.
- Straight Laced @ Heavy Pistols. It’s too bad the Pistols don’t play Ted every week because if they did they’d be in the playoffs. The Laces are coming off a massive win last week and I think they look past the Pistols at their big games against the Berries and the Holes. The Pistols sneak up on them to make the Dumpy division a little bit more interesting.
- Bumpy’s Berries @ Legs With Holes. In the obvious game of the week, two of the worst teams will go head to head. Ted has proven to be the worst team manager in league history… even worse than himself in years past. He now mounts up on Mitch Trubisky, once again chasing points, in an effort to take down what has thus far been the worst team in the league by points… less than BOTH EXPANSION TEAMS. Either way, only two of his players would probably start for the Berries… which is amazing. First one to 90 in the battle of dumpster fires wins… and it will be the Berries.
- Closet Hillbilly @ Nosebleeds. A battle between the biggest gainer in playoff odds (Closet Hillbilly +21%) and the biggest loser in playoff odds (Nosebleeds -14%). The Nosebleeds suffered through a heartbreaker last week, as they deserved, but should be primed and ready for week 6 with their bye week situation resolved. Hillbilly has suffered through some setbacks including two San Francisco running backs and one San Francisco quarterback and hopefully they suffer through at least one more setback this week in their loss – one bad enough to cripple them for their week 8 matchup against the Horsemen.
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